Since I have no shame, I figured I’d just let everyone know about a little problem I have. It’s with wearing deodorant. It’s not a problem WITH deodorant I have, but rather just remembering to put it on. I like smelling good and not like a hippie, so I like wearing deodorant. But my problem is forgetting to put it on.

My initial theory was that in order to avoid getting pit stick stains on my shirts, I’d just put deodorant on AFTER I put my shirt on. Seemed like a good idea to me. But I found out that I would forget to put on the minimal application every day before work. So I started putting little reminders, like leaving the bathroom light on so I would go and shut it off before leaving for work, and saying “oh YEAH, THAT!” and put on deodorant. But that didn’t work.

The last few trips out of town my problem with deodorant has really come to the surface. First, while backpacking on Isle Royale, I forgot some. I had to use Rachael’s. It was embarrassing for me to smell like flowers, but at least I didn’t stink completely. And the other problem that was regardless of what the slogan is–Strong Enough for a Man, but P.H. Balanced for a Woman!–is fucking bullshit. Ladies, I sweat that shit right the fuck off. Don’t trust them when they say that.

The other time was this past weekend, when I was visiting my parents and grandparents. I completely blanked not only wearing deodorant in the car, but also to bring some with for the weekend. Of course, I was forced to wear Rachael’s the entire time. And now I KNOW that someone could tell I was wearing women’s deodorant. I mean, it’s all too obvious.

So now my new formula for deodorant-wearing success is to keep a stick at home, at work, and in my car. Today, not so surprisingly, was the trial run of the formula. I forgot the proper application and was forced to slather it on in my vehicle after getting my morning cup of coffee.

So yeah, I’m not afraid any more. If I smell all girly, it’s because I can’t remember deoderant because I’m an idiot. But at least I don’t smell like a homeless person…

Yeah, yeah…at least I don’t smell like a homeless person.