drunkencomputing

I’m really warming up to Google’s idea of how the web should be, and I’m not talking the design or the conent, but moreso the delivery.  Instead of using client-side applications–that is, installing a program on your desktop computer–people should be moving into the client-LESS world.

In a client-less world, you don’t need to install an application on your PC…you can use everything web-based.  Instead of running Outlook or Thunderbird or–God, shudder–Eudora, you just open a web page to get your email.  There’s many, many benefits to using web-based applications, and I’m really coming around to it.  There are, however, many disadvantages to this way of thinking as well.

Just like water, electricity, and cell service, the web is becoming another always-on technology for many people.  Some people have SmartPhones even to extend that reach (like moi).  But it’s relatively easy to get on the web, and in a client-less world, all you need is the internet and a browser to get into your applications.  The flip side of this, of course, is that many people don’t have easy access to the internet.  My counterpoint to that is that if more services offered web-based (client-less) applications, more people could afford to have the internet available.  If individuals have to pay $1000 for a 2.3 GHz dual-core system with Blu-Ray drive because that’s the latest-and-greatest at their Best Buy/Wal-Mar/Buy More/electronics super center, then sure, they probably won’t make the move to get onto the internet.  But if they can get by with a smaller system system with nominal specs and without all the whiz-back new-fangled technology–and for a fraction of the cost–then people can afford to get on the internet more.  When you have client-less applications, spli-dow, you don’t need the Gigantor 5000 computer any more.  Reference the eee PC, netbook, One Laptop Per Chiled, etc. for this side of the argument.

So you have a computer, or even a lower-end computer.  To my knowledge, 70-80% of the average computer user (nay, probably more than that), only get on the computer to surf, email, and transfer music & pictures.  You don’t need the Gigantor 5000 computer with quad-core CPUs, a Blu-Ray drive with LightScribe and expandable media bay.  You don’t need to pay $1000 for it either.  You only need the basic computer to launch a web browser for all these features.  For email: you have your web-based email application, like Hotmail or Yahoo, and the far superior Gmail (from Google, SHOCK!).  For music, you have Amazon MP3, with it’s vastly superior DRM-less music library (and still, only $.99 a tune, SNAP).  And for pictures, you have Flick or Snapfish.  DONE.  No need for Outlook (for email), no need for iTunes (bleeeh), and no need for whatever ghetto application came with your Kodak EZ Share camera.  You don’t need to install these clients and piss away your precious CPU resources.  Additionally, most applications nowadays aren’t just stand-alone executables…they require installs, and even then, the install isn’t *just* for the application…they will install hooks into your other applications, into your OS (such as annoying system-tray applications).  All this crap wastes resources too.  The common user doesn’t know how to combat these applications from performing these actions (tip: just try “Custom install” sometimes during setup, that can help a lot!)

On top of all this, if you don’t have client software installed on your PC for these applications, you have a fringe benefit as well as saving money buy not requiring a schwanky computer system: security.  If you don’t have client software installed, you don’t have to keep it up-to-date with security patches.  Instead. patches or security updates are done by the application provider (!!!!).  The flip side to this point is that you open yourself up to greater security risks by keeping your private data on the servers that host the web-based application (such as email or calendar appointments).  To this, I say phooey.  Truth be told, many web-based application providers provide better security than most brick-and-mortar data storage places.  I trust Google with my email more than I would trust the Veterans Affairs office with my SSN, or the local clinic with that faded-ass personal file that they just hang all willy-nilly on the wall outside my office.  Plus, your email is already on a shit ton of other servers everywhere else, your credit card info in even more areas, and your personal information is scattered throughout so many countless random locations you would shit yourself if you found out how easy it is to get.  This isn’t an excuse for the insecurity of your current data; but rather a statement that starting off with something that is built with security somewhere in the forefront of it’s mind (like Gmail) is a better step than what we did 20 years ago.  Also, don’t be a complete fucking moron and use a 5-character password like your dog’s name or your initials.  You deserve to have your shit stolen if you’re this idiotic.  It’s the 21st century–we’re about to colonize mars–and the most blabbed about crime nowadays on the talky box is identify theft.  So get the net: get a good password, stoopid.

Client-less applications have replaced everything on my computer that I once had some piece of crap, system-resource-wasting software for.  I used to use Microsoft Outlook for my email, calendar, and contacts.  Now I use Gmail for email and contacts.  I also use Google Calendar for my calendar application.  I use Google Documents for my spreadsheets and document files.  I use Google Notebook for the notes I jot down when I’m on the run (thank you, Blackberry!).  And all of these client-less applications can be accessed from anywhere with an internet connection.  Shazam.  On top of that, if you have a SmartPhone–say, a Blackberry?–you can get that anywhere anywhere.  Anywhere.  That’s tits, my friend.  And that’s the beauty of a client-less world.

Now I could expound upon this conversation by introducing you further into the realm of client-less worlds, by adding in mentions and uses for Google Gears, bookmarklets, and browser extensions, but we’ll save that for another lesson, children.  Right now, grab yourself a good browser great browser and start experiencing the client-less lifestyle.  You may just learn to love it, like I did.

Recently I’ve been getting a lot of checks for certain things. All of them come from my friends, never from any where else (except for the ski shop, which amazingly still pays with paper checks). So for the longest time, we’ve been writing funny little remarks in the “Memo” field on the check. The memo field–like the check itself–really serves little or no purpose unless you are making a payment to a company in which you have an account. So for a long time, we’ve abused the purpose of the memo field.

Writing something funny or embarrassing in the memo field seems a little cliche. To me, it’s lame-duck humor that I’m sure a lot of other people do. So at times, when I continually stoop to this level and put “Hand job” in the memo field, I snort at myself, but then wonder if the person(s) who handle the check at the bank ever get any that they laugh at. I’d like to think so, cause I know I would, especially when I get a check from Buddah that says something extremely funny and off, like “Time traveling crystals” in it.

Much to my chagrin, I’ve forgotten to look at the memo fields for the last few checks I’ve cashed. I know I’ve missed a dandy from Johnny Mac, and I almost missed one from Jake until his shallow self had to call me and ask me if I read the memo field. You suck for having to illicit a joke so manually, but nonetheless, it was funny (it was “Don & GG’s gift certificate” by the way. Don & GG’s is this weird, overly advertised restaurant in the U.P. of Michigan that we constantly threaten to take Don to because he could be a shoe-in to own it).

Today, I reversed my subtly-trained mind, and got back into looking at the memo field on checks. This one was from Hodge, and it just said “Pluto”. I asked him what it meant, and he said it was short for “plutonium.” He didn’t elaborate beyond that, but I’m sure he started to write out the full word “plutonium”
, but then thought that in this day and age–when the Government sees and reads everything–that putting a check in the amount of $129 for plutonium out into circulation wouldn’t be such a smart idea. I’m also sure that his idea for said element in the memo field was derived from Buddah’s ingenious “time traveling crystals” and then half way through visualized himself getting towed out of his apartment with a black hood on, plastic zip-tied hands, and into an unmarked Suburban. I’m also certain that we wouldn’t see Hodge again when the Government found out that he no longer lives at the address on his checks. Whoops. But nice save with the “pluto”, Hodge.

The mild laugh I get from check memos is enough fun to keep me dreaming up my own. So because of that, I fully intend to continue to write in the memo field when appropriate. I’m going to strive away from sexual things, like “man time” and “professional spanking services,” and try to do something a bit more witty. Sexual is easy, witty is hard (for me, at least, but not Buddah). I guess what I’m saying is if I have to write you a check, take a look at the memo, so we can all get a laugh.

JP reminded me of these the other day. Check them out, start from the bottom.

“Yo, David, you best get yo’ self some Coppah-tone, ’cause you just got BURNED!”

http://ratednfornasty.wordpress.com/2007/07/05/hillarious-nba-fox-sports-net-commercials-alan-and-jerome/

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But yet, some people seem to think I am:

Made by Hodge with fucking MS Paint, for chrissake.